The Fear

Military wives all have it, The Fear.  The Fear in the back of their head that their loved one will be sent somewhere dangerous.  The Fear that once they are there that something will happen to them.  I chose not to face The Fear daily.  I can not live daily with The Fear.  I chose to ignore it.  I can't worry about something that might happen.  I have things to do.  I have kids who need me to get on with it.  I have a husband who needs his house to run in an orderly manner.  I do not have time for The Fear.

Sometimes however The Fear rears it's ugly head.  Usually when I am doing something mundane like the dishes.  It starts as a thought, then it creeps up my neck.  My throat starts to close up and get very dry.  My mind races.  I feel the tears starting to well up.  Then and only then do I acknowledge The Fear.  I look it square in the face and tell it I know it is there.  I tell it that it can not rule my life and I have things I need to get done.  I tell it that no matter how bad it wants me to feel that I know everything will be fine.  Then I press on.  I have a life to lead and I can't waste it with The Fear.