Defining Backtalk

After months of unacceptable behavior from LaLa, culminating with her acting like a heathen at the Yultide Bazaar on Saturday, I had a massive blow up. Then I had a moment of clarity. I remembered I had this unused star chart sitting on the side of the refrigerator. When I say completely unused I mean completely unused, well except for when LaLa went and put one of her stars up next to a chore, exclaimed loudly she did it and then expected me to bend over backwards to give her allowance (nice try, kiddo, by the way).

So, I sat down Saturday night after I had already confiscated her Wii (to her sheer horror) and redefined each chore with her and added "good attitude" and "no backtalk" to the list to try to tackle her behavior problems. It worked like a charm Sunday. She did all her chores- cleaning her room, removing her toys from the living room, bringing her clothes to the dirty clothes bin, brushed her teeth, made her bed and even did well with not back talking and having a good attitude. I was seriously impressed by her effort.

Then tonight at dinner the conversation ensued.

LaLa- "Mom what exactly is back talk?"
Me- "Well, it is when I ask you to do something and you tell me "no" or "I don't wanna" or are disrespectful back to me"
La- "So if I tell you no that I am not going to do something I don't get my star?"
Me- "Right."
La- "But, if I say yes and do it I get my star?"
Me- "Yep"
La- "But if I say Ok and then later say no and don't do it, then I don't get one, right?"
Me- "Yeah"
La- "But if I say no and then do it I get it?"
Me- "ummm"
La- "cause I did it"
Me- "I guess"
La- "ok..."

I can see it now, she is finding loopholes. It is kind of like Bill Clinton defining the word sex.

Who is in Control?

Every parent has had that moment where their child is acting so badly that they want to melt into the floor and disappear. I know I certainly have, in the middle of a McDonald's in London. Children have their good days and their bad days, and well, don't you ever have an "off" day? Hell, I was having an "off" day this morning when I woke up with too little sleep, no caffeine in the entire house and I knew that I had promised my children that I would spend the morning at their school for "Share Day". All I really was going to be sharing with the rest of the people around me was my piss poor attitude; apologies to those who were subjected to it.

Kids are allowed to have a bad day. However, I wonder at what point do you said "Right, enough is enough with your behavior, we're going home," to your child? Is it at the point where it is just mildly annoying to you? Do you wait until it is affecting those around you? Do you ever just say, "Eh, kids will be kids," and let them continue running amok? Have you ever had your child hit or shout at you in public?

I am of the thought that if it is annoying me, then it is annoying those around me and needs to stop. Of course I have flexibility, to an extent. I am not some sort of drill sergeant barking out orders to my kids in the middle of the grocery store. Yes, my kids have taken off running down the aisles, but they have been promptly reprimanded for their actions. I am also my harshest critic when it comes to disciplining my own children. I second guess myself all the time. Was I too harsh? Was I too soft? At least I know I am trying. I guess, I just don't understand parents who let their children get away with causing chaos in public.

In the last week I have gone out shopping and more than once seen children just being horrible and their parents not even noticing. They just ignored it. I am sorry but, get your kids under control so I can shop in peace. I, for once, didn't have my children in tow. Frankly, I didn't feel like enduring badly behaved children. Now, I know that might sound horrible on my part. To be fair though, I usually can ignore children whilst I am out and about. They are usually no more than background noise. I am a mother though.

What I worry about is how this affects the people around us who don't have children or people have grown children and don't necessarily find your children as adorable as you do. As it is, I have sometimes found some places the UK less than welcoming to children. This is of course in comparison to the US where public places almost beg you to bring your children along. I can't help to fret with the state of discipline being what it is right now, both in the US and the UK, with parents tending to want to be their child's friend rather than their parent, that public places and shops are going to become even less accommodating toward parents. That would be a shame, wouldn't it?