How to Potty Train for The Complete Lazy Ass

I make no bones about it. I am lazy. Not extremely lazy. I mean, my house, for the most part is at least presentable. My kids are well cared for and happy. However, there was one thing that was completely dogging me. KiKi up until this past week was not potty trained. Thanks to that I have come up with a fool proof method for potty training a three year old when that is the last thing you really want to do.

1. Buy underwear.

2. Make half assed attempt at potty training 6 months before you really want your child potty trained. After two accidents in one day, give up and resort to diapers. I mean, who really wants to clean pee out of the carpets anyway, right?

3. Make another half assed attempt to potty train when your parents come to visit. Resort to diapers because you are out of the house entirely too much and public toilets aren't always available.

4. Make another half assed attempt a month later. We only have a month until school starts, panic.

5. Declare child completely untrainable. Wash your hands of it.

6. Week before nursery school starts panic. They don't allow diapers, but are willing to help in potty training. OH NO I DON'T WANT THE ONLY KID WHO STILL HAS ACCIDENTS ALL THE TIME!!!!

7. Thursday before nursery school starts, start actually potty training. Pull up diapers are only for naps and bedtime. Have a million accidents over the next 4 days.

8. Start nursery school. Pray. Send child in underwear with 2 sets of new underwear and two pairs of spare trousers.

9. Sigh of relief only one accident first day of school, then a million accidents when you get home.

10. Send child to school. No accidents at school. Half a million accidents at home.

11. Send child to school third day. No accidents at school, one accident at home.

12. Send child to school Friday, no accidents. At home no accidents.

13. No accidents all weekend.

14. Declare child potty trained!

And that, my friends, is how to potty train when you are a complete lazy ass like me. Oh and I am totally not making any of it up or exaggerating. Believe me, five accidents in one day feels like a million.